Take off, eh?

Last week ended for me on Thursday, when I had a vacation day left to take before the anniversary date of my employment. It is such a delicious feeling, not to have to set the alarm clock for three whole nights in a row! Furthermore, it is an spiritual experience to be able to lie in bed beyond the time when one would normally be stumbling about in the kitchen, making choices between two generally unappealing breakfast alternatives and trying to remember where my socks are.

Friday morning I was comfortably past the normal alarm clock time, still feeling that dreamy drowsiness that accompanies the onset of lack of responsibility, when a sparrow started a sharp chirping right outside the double-hung, closed window. This is a normal result of our neighbor's feeding station, hung to attract chickadees and cardinals but generally overwhelmed by sparrows. Ordinarily, being up and out the door before this hour, I do not hear this concert, but today was different.

Saturday morning, I decided that some deterrent was needed, since J, my wife, has also been similarly awakened at undesired times. I turned to the internet where I found many types of gizmo including electronic ones that could break an egg. Now, that's bird control!

What caught my eye was "bird spikes", which are an array of plastic or metal spikes set in a ten-foot long base to be glued to the window ledge as a method of keeping birds from landing or nesting where they are not wanted. Also what caught my eye was the asking price: $49.99.

Thus began a day of drilling pilot holes at inch intervals and pounding 3.5 inch galvanized nails through them into a treated plank. I don't know how many nails are in five pounds, but it was in the hundreds and felt like thousands. The outdoor temperature hovered at 14 F all day. I broke two drill bits and had to sharpen a third to get through the plank, but by the end of the day, as they say on "The Daily Show", I nailed it.

Then I began a second board to accommodate the three-inch setback of the window itself. It only needed a hundred nails or so, but involved my third trip to the local Lowes.

By early evening, I had constructed two vicious spike strips that appeared both evil and medieval. I felt like Vlad the Impaler on a bad day. I pushed the pieces into place on the sill, and went inside to thaw out.

Sunday morning dawned much like Saturday. Cold, windy, and extremely comfortable in bed. The silence was awesome.

No birds were harmed in the making of this device. Disappointed, yes, disgruntled, no doubt. Only one thumb was mashed, but only twice, and not severely. The cold saved me; I was wearing mitts.

The net saving over the commercial spike strip was $10.00, which ought to just cover the replacement drill bits.